I’m running a little short on happiness lately. couldn’t think of a better way to write out my thoughts other than here. writing in my journal is just too tiring. life in general is tiring sometimes. when i think I’m happy i think about other things that could make me happier and then my mind starts to wander, and my heart gets heavy, and my thoughts all smash into one horrific unfinished masterpiece. when will my life fit together to become something great? all i really want is my family to be healthy. to have a good job, without having to worry about struggling. i don’t want a big house, i just want to live. without big worries. small worries can be fixed but big worries tend to take a little bit longer. and sometimes i don’t know what to do! i mean, how am i suppose to know how to get there if i don’t even know where to begin… i start to look at my body and wonder when will i ever be dedicated? i start but i never finish but i guess I’m winning in the idea that at least it didn’t come to a complete end and that i didn’t completely give up. i just want to be in love and even that is a problem for me. when i start to open myself up to someone i really like its like I’m being tested with my patience and my sincerity and i have to look the other way- or am i thinking too much? maybe I’m just thinking too much. maybe i am happy and worrying over nothing? but that can’t be entirely true because life wouldn’t be life without a bit of worry. i want to experience life but i don’t want to experience it by being so focused on making myself happy. can’t i genuinely just be happy? i mean there are days that i am happy, don’t get me wrong. but then there are days that are just so gloomy i don’t even know if ill ever see the grass thats greener on the other side. I’m breathing to survive but i want to feel alive.
look at how yixing stops clapping (sooo cute!!)
D.O. for Nature Republic Booklet